Today my wife thinks she's getting a shank to the back

 We have a needle guided liver biopsy today. My wife is facing it like she's facing a shank to her back. Just standing innocently in the cafeteria line for a meal, and suddenly she feels a horrible pain the back. 

Of course that isn't what will really happen. They will use pain control methods and use as much care and cause as little discomfort as possible. But it isn't how she sees it, and I get that.

She went through two pregnancies, and she now has two amazing teenage daughters. Everybody who has been pregnant (or supported their partner through a pregnancy) knows how pregnancy works. You become a pin cushion for needles and blood draws. Every time you turn around, you have a doctor's hand up your vagina; you have a needle drawing blood; every 100th time you pee it is into a cup. You have ultrasounds all of the time. Why? Because something wonderful is growing in you. 

So too it is when something malicious is growing in you. You become a pin cushion for blood draws. You have ultrasounds, PET scans, CTs, MRIs. Every 100th time you pee it is into a cup. But this time, you can't tell yourself "it is all worth it because at the end I get the most wonderful thing a person can ever get". Instead, you tell yourself "I hope it is worth it, if it works I get back to where I was before all of this started". It is hardly the same inspiration, but the path there is weirdly similar. Of course, cancer treatment also involves chemo, radiation, surgery and other things that are not involved with pregnancy. Nobody is throwing you a baby shower. Instead of excitement, some people will avoid you because of how horrible it is to imagine.

So today she gets hurt a little getting a liver biopsy. But I think what hurts more is that it is the first painful step on the stage 4 cancer journey (the previous steps weren't that painful).

Tomorrow we see the oncologist to discuss the results.

In the meantime, for the first time she is no longer in full denial. And it is emotional and more than a little miserable for her, for us.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

But I feel too healthy to have cancer...

 We finally got liver needle biopsy results today, and it is ER+, HER2- breast cancer that has set up shop in her liver. I spent the past week listening to my wife say that she feels too good for it to possibly be metastatic cancer. I understand the confusion and frustration of it. She feels great, yet there is a potentially deadly disease process growing within her. Think about it like an actual disease. Imagine you are treating a patient with Ebola. You accidentally stick yourself with a dirty needle. There is no question -- blood with Ebola got in through the puncture, and you now have Ebola. Except that you feel fine. There is an incubation period, and you feel perfectly healthy. That's what early stage metastatic cancer can be like -- except that unlike Ebola there are many drugs that can slow the progress and mitigate the effects.
Read more

Today we meet with the oncologist

 Today is our first "real" meeting with the oncologist -- that is, the first meeting after we've learned that we are in stage 4, with metastases to the liver, lymph nodes, and probably spine, spleen and thyroid. We put together a lengthy list of questions to ask. Please feel free to use this list as your own jumping off point for questions to ask at this stage: Can you confirm the diagnosis based on the MRI report, or do we need any additional tests or scans? What stage is the breast cancer, and what does this mean in terms of prognosis? Can you explain the extent of the metastases in the liver, spleen, and vertebral bones? What are the available treatment options for this specific case? What are the goals of each treatment option (e.g., extending life, improving quality of life, or both)? What are the possible side effects of each treatment option, and how can they be managed? How often will treatments be administered, and how long will each treatment session last? Will
Read more